I come across this question frequently and not just in real estate. “I want to do X. How do I find a mentor?” I have a secret for you, and that secret is…

You don’t ask someone to mentor you.

The prevailing advice on the subject is to offering your to-be mentor something of value like getting them coffee or helping them find deals. Excuse me for the brutal honesty but this approach is absolutely horrendous. Please feel free to comment below if you’ve actually had success. The best thing of value you can offer is to leave them the hell alone. People are busy. No one is interested in babysitting you.

Here’s the second part of the secret…

Just do it.

And by it I mean ask intelligent questions.

Imagine going to the professor’s office hour and said “I’m sorry professor I skipped class. Could you teach me everything I need to know for the final exam in 20 minutes please?” If you listen carefully you might be able to hear under their breath the letters G T F O and H.

Instead, imagine this “Professor, I came to every lecture and I did all the assign reading but I’m struggling with a couple of concepts. Could you help me?”

Which approach do you think will have a better success?

What Worked For Me

There are a few developers I look up to and ask them for advices from time to time, both professionally and personally. I would call them my mentor absolutely or my imaginary Board of Directors. Do they know that? Probably not. Do they care? No. Have I learned a ton from them? Yes.

Success is not easily attained and those that have climbed to the summit have had helping hands in the process and they’re glad to pay it forward. Most people are generous with their time if they see someone clearly hustling but ran into some roadblock.

I read everything I can get my hands on, listened to any podcasts that talked about real estate development (there wasn’t a lot) when I first got started. I wasn’t going to people asking “Hi, would you be my mentor?” or “Hi, can you teach me about real estate development?” I was asking about “How do I estimate my build cost?” or “How do I get my public works permit?” Every now and then I’ll see them at conferences or strike up conversations with them here and there online. They’ll ask me how my projects are going or just trading notes generally about industry trends. The relationship evolves pretty naturally.

Show that you’ve done the homework and not some schmuck wasting people’s time. Show that you’re worthy. The quality of your answers depends on the quality of your questions.

Ways to Find Mentors

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. If you’re having trouble finding mentors, chances are it’s because you’re not ready. If you’ve put in the work, here are some spots where they might appear in:

  • Local Meetups and REIA’s – Shaking hands and breaking bread is still the best tried and proven method.
  • Conventions – Similar to Meetups but at a bigger scale. Don’t be afraid to connect with someone after their session or follow up at a later time.
  • BiggerPockets or other online groups/forums – Share your experiences and input. See who’s been consistently commenting or answering questions. Chances are they’re open to answer your questions as well.
  • JV – Invest with them passively and ask questions through out the process to get a better understanding what’s going on in their heads.